How To Fix Your Marriage

Two Steps to Fix Your Marriage

Marriage faces so many different bumps along the way. Some poeple’s are mounds, or hills, while others have to climb through valleys, and overcome mountains. Here’s two easy ways that show you by maintaining self awareness it can help save your marriage.

The faculty of a person that enables them to be self aware of themselves, and others is known as, the mind. You have to be completely conscious at all times and present with yourself to constantly be looking inward. To fully understand what is going on with you. In Re|Engage we focus on ourselves, we draw circles around ourselves and focus on ways to work on our struggles, emotions, and problem areas so we can better serve our spouse. Believe me, it’s not so easy at first, every week I have to remind myself to do just that. I literally have to draw that circle around myself to remind myself what I need to be doing. That alone has helped so much with stopping  little bickering before it has even started. The one thing that we are constantly reminding ourselves with is that “I’m my own marital problem.” It may sound silly, especially if your spouse is lying and cheating. but it’s a helpful reminder to focus on your actions and to see if you’re coming from a place of love. if you’re ready to fix your marriage then take two  steps, just two, that will help you allow your marriage to move freely, and openly. Are you ready to start?

Focusing on yourself by following two easy steps:

1. Be Honest. I think we all have problems being honest with ourselves. Sometimes it can be scary to look inward and see just who you’ve become. Especially if who we are is someone stuck on the bathroom floor, feeding our own addictions. In hard and dark times, it’s very hard to look inward and to hold ourselves accountable for our own actions. I know from experience it just seems so much easier to find a reason to blame it on other people. To hang on to the anger, pride, walk around with hatred, and even hold on to guilt or even fear. The best thing is that Fear is a Liar! Don’t let it destroy you! Overcome the fear and rise above it because life is waiting for you. They always say, you’re the only one holding yourself back. If you are a timid person or the opposite spectrum carrying around anger because of fear listen to Fear is a Liar, by .

We have nothing to be afraid of: God is there for you. There’s is freedom found when we lay our lies down at the cross. We can be who we are meant to be once we let go of all that baggage. Don’t waste your life holding on to all that that shame and darkness when your already been freed. Your freedom is just waiting for YOU!!

2. Self Awareness. Be honest with yourself as well. Combat the fear of being honest, don’t blame the people around. Being aware allows you to be authentic with people, allows real relationships to happen and allow God to move in the real vulnerability of the raw friendships that you have. How can u be real if you don’t know your self? Honestly, repeat that question, how can you be real if you don’t even know your self? Besides being self aware allows you to be your own driver of your own life, not a victim of your past.

Start It, Commit to it, Succeed in it!

Ashly Williams

I Did Not Lose My Son, He Died.

Having a Miscarriage at 16 Weeks

Yesterday was one month since our sweet Atticus Jaxon passed. The beginning of the year of course had started out like most, well kind of. I was actually very sick with the flu. Yet, I had scheduled post to publish, pics to share, and ideas a brewing about starting out the year with the right mindset, I had wedding anniversary post scheduled to write about all the little details of our wedding. Especially since the pictures and videos came in finally which I had been waiting for what seemed like forever. Instead life threw a curve ball. A huge one- that sent me down a path I never even could have imagined.

I sort of walked around telling myself I did my dues in this life already, and that I have been down my paths of torment and struggles. I literally thought what else would God need from me. I am no one of that much importance or someone who has made that much of an impact. I didn’t think God would want me to speak about all my grief and sorrows all over again. Especially after having three healthy kids in a row with just a simple glance being made in my direction. Seriously, no effort was needed, yet I know people today who struggle to still have their first baby. I never could imagine that I would become a part of this whole other community.

I have known and witnessed many people who have had miscarriages before and I remember thinking how sad, I can’t even imagine, but I will admit, because I lost my first son at 8 and half months I thought losing a child once they were in your arms and time spent with them was worse. How wrong I was.

At 16 weeks pregnant my water broke and I spent three horrible days of traumatic events that we will never be able to forget. I will spare all those details for they have passed. However what still lingers, is the obvious – dealing with all the emotions, sadness, confusion, fear, and grief. I guess I could just simply say, healing is what is left. There are all the same feelings; anger, pain, feeling that life stole something that was supposed to be yours, pity, shame, doubt, and depression. All the feelings that you feel when your child passes no matter how old they are, are all there.

We didn’t get to know Atticus, we will never know the sounds he would have made, the smile he would give, or the smirk if he was anything like his father. The temper he may or may not have gotten, or if he would have been a genius like both his parents. However we know what it was like to hold him…for one night, for as long as we wanted, before we never could hug, coddle, and kiss on him again. We rocked with him out of habit, knowing it wasn’t doing anything but we just wanted to share some moments with him before he was no longer with us. We stared at him wondering what color his eyes were and were fascinated how he looked so much like his siblings. He was a cutie! Although we never shared “life” with him, we will always ache and mourn over his death. I honestly almost feel as if miscarriages are worse only because you never felt their warm breath, literally every little moment that should have been yall’s to share, has become an unknown moment for you. Our lives will always be wrapped up in the unknown somehow, someway.

People say I’m sorry for your loss, but it’s not a loss. I didn’t lose my baby. He died. In my womb! We didn’t walk away without looking at him never knowing anything, I didn’t wake up with him just miraculously gone. I delivered my still born child and we spent time with an angel. There is no “loss”. What we lost was the time that we could have spent with him. That my friends, will never be able to be recovered from.

I always wonder what my first born, Valek would be up to now if he was still with us, he would be in 3rd or 4th grade hopefully doing what every little boy should be doing. Would he still need wires, or would he have a life without them? Would he have recovered from his traumatic injuries and we all could have witnessed a miracle or would he be a vegetable like they predicted? There will always be unknowns with him, I remember when his fifth birthday came and thinking about how he would be learning to tie his shoes and ride bikes. I know 100% all the same thoughts and unknowns will be there with Atticus as well. However, I knew Valek’s sounds, and sweet smiles, and witnessed his bravery. I knew who he was, and he knew me!!! Miscarriage is so hard because every moment is something you never had with your child.

At Atticus’ burial we met our minister, we talked and prayed before we went out and buried him as a family. In that moment God showed up to do his good works. The minister began to share his story with us; just two months earlier his oldest daughter had a miscarriage at 21 weeks. I thought he simply started out sharing because he wanted us to know we weren’t alone but then he continued to tell us about how he called her that morning and checked up on her to see how she was. Her response, “Dad, I lost my baby, he’s as real as you and I. I need to stop thinking I’m supposed to get over it easier than I would anyone else I knew but the reality of it is, my baby is gone. So now, I have to learn to live with that reality.”

For her and I it was a reality moment, I shared with him about my previous son passing away, and that for the past two and half weeks I’ve had every same thought and pain as I did with Valek’s passing. Nothing was different. It did not matter how long you held your angel, or how long you knew them, the cut still was just as deep as before. In that moment we all found comfort in the midst of pain. That minister stayed with our family all the way until we left the site and even helped us bury our son. God had his hands on all of us that day.

And Our son was buried by our own hands by his own family, that day.

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I feel compelled to explain- Joshua has always buried his loved ones and he has taught us all the importance of spending the time to do that. The respect and honor it gives to the deceased is beautiful to me. At first I was taken back by it, but to see the sweat and hard work it takes to cover a grave breaks my heart in a way I never knew it could. Yet, at the same time watching my husband and kids cover our son, was admirable. To see the minister stay, to pray with us in the end, and to remind us of Gods promise, made the worst day ever into quite a beautiful service.

IMG_2630The one constant thing that has hit me after this is the reality that not only am I reminded that nothing is for certain, and I am owed nothing, but all of this brings me down to my knees where I belong, and back to my center. That I am less than God therefore I need him. No matter what, all the time!

Another thing God has shown me, is no ones story means more than others. Shame me for thinking differently. Honestly! Who was I to think so wrongfully. I’m sorry for that, to all I didn’t comfort in those times because I was too prideful thinking your pain didn’t compare to mine. I think people like me, don’t know how to face miscarriages because of the mere fact it was someone you didn’t spend life with. I’m here to tell you, It does not matter! I knew you experienced loss, pain, and sorrow, I just measured my first sons death as if it was more because of his life he lived. Again, it does not matter! I have learned for it’s not the life you live, it’s the impact of your life you’ve lived that matters! I saw Valek bless so many people with his life. One month ago, I experienced a little boy, who never took a breath, change people in the hospital, I saw him impact everyone at the burial service, and I have experienced change because of him, for in his death he already left a legacy behind for the goodness of God!

I can only pray in my death I can accomplish the same as both my boys in heaven did.

Lastly, I may be the only person to say this who’s experienced “baby loss” as they call it. But I highly recommend we stop using that term. I know it cushions the blow, but I feel as if it’s too soft, as if it’s easily to turn away from, to not face it with that term. So as far as I go, please stop saying you’re sorry for me losing my baby, he’s not lost…time was lost….he on the other hand is in heaven.

 

A Gentleman’s Suit

Today marks one month that I have been married!!!! I can’t believe it!!! To think it felt like just yesterday I was running around doing all the last minute planning and picking up all the groomsmen, and my dad’s suits. Speaking of suits, one of those suits was a little five year old ring bearer’s suit.

I never could have imagined a suit holding so much power. Now, as a parent I should have known better, but as a little boys mother, it shouldn’t have come as such a shock to me. After all the kid has an armoire full of “different suits” that make him be anything he wants for the day!! I’ve raised an astronaut, a robot, a fireman, an army ranger, a doctor, a police officer, countless super heroes and have even had to feed my very own burglar while he was in jail. The boys imagination has always ran wild and has always fascinated me. The sounds alone a little boy can make at the age of 2 astonishes me. It’s like they take some hidden class for that at some point!!

In raising a little boy, you try to enhance their imagination, it’s food for their soul, and their little brains. All the meanwhile, trying to make sure that your raising a little gentleman with manners, respect, honesty, compassion, bravery, and back bone to stand up for what he believes in. This literally keeps me up at night sometimes when we experience a day of time outs , fits, and “Mommy, you make me sad!” moments. I worry am I doing the right things, am I too hard on him, should I try something different, should I have taken more/less away from him?

However on our big day, every worry, every fear of what kind of man my son is going to be, every doubt of selflessness, or kindness that he may not show or give…were all gone.

It’s all in the power of a suit, the moment a little boy took his astronaut pajamas off, and put on a mans suit, and became a gentleman. It was a moment I realized, I no longer have a little boy, but a little gentleman.

It all started off when it was time to get ready. I showed him his suit that he has been waiting for for three weeks. He had been asking about it ever since we went for his fittings. He was excited to pick it up, he was overjoyed I think that it was time! He said he wanted to put it all on himself, I asked politely, “well can I just help you?” His response, “I’ve got this Mom”. I watched the boy for ten minutes try to figure out his shirt cuff buttons, looking back at me one time. He tried and tried! Finally he said, “Mom, can you help me please? But with just one button okay?! So that way I can watch you and do the other one.” I laughed inside, smiled at him, and responded, “I’d love to help you, but honey there’s only one button to use.” I went into further explanation of the two cuff buttons per sleeve, did his second sleeve, and continued to his shirt buttons only to get a, “NO MOM! I can do these!!!”

I’ve got this Mom- Ayden

I watched him with pure adoration. It was a beautiful sight to see on a beautiful day. He went on to put his bow tie on by himself and his coat jacket, not tucking his shirt in but it was okay with me. I was proud of all he did. Now to the final touches, his shoes! He couldn’t wait to wear those because he knew they matched daddy’s! He was so handsome! He got dressed and went straight down stairs to line up.

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When we went down the isle, apparently little sister saw too many peeps and froze up, he was a gentleman then, and patiently tried to motivate and coach his little sister in continuing the mission. I missed the whole show because I was waiting with my daddy for my turn. When I finally got down there, the moment I reached the spot where we all rehearsed to be, Ayden says to me, ” Mom, I walked down the isle!! Is there anything else you need me to do?” My son, a five year old, asking me if there’s anything else he can do for me during our ceremony!!! 😩❤❤😂😂 Joshua and I exchanged looks and we both knew we were so proud of him in that moment.

He stood there the whole time, not playing with leaves, sticks, or making noise. Just holding his sign and my ring. He was not going to mess up his duties in any way. Not even when his sister tried to give him a leaf to play with. That’s devotion!! I’ve never seen this kid pass up a rock, stick, or leaf.

Then he just continued being a little gentleman, he did great during photos, always smiled, never complained. When it was finally time to eat, one of my bridesmaids set him up at the end of the table where all the guys were sitting. I look over at him and he grabs his napkin, flops or open, folds it in half, and lays it in his lap like we sometimes practice at home! Son my heart was full of proudness, love, emotion. I called out to him asking if he wanted to sit next to mommy and daddy and he said, “I’m fine down here Mom.” Never asked for anything while he ate, ate all his food, and just remained being this little gentleman that I could not stop watching.

Don’t get me wrong, it was all beautiful, and the day was filled with many beautiful moments. This one however was something that could only make any parent proud. To top it off a pregnant bride who wanted to cry. He was def one of my top five favorite things of the day. I never knew a suit could hold so much power, for it was literally the moment he put it on, he became this person that eased my soul. That calmed my fears. For it was on that day, I knew my little boy was going to have good character, show others he had a kind heart, show selflessness, respect, and above all that he was already Mommy’s little gentleman.

Seek Knowledge

Photo Cred: Lysander Yuen

I absolutely love to read! I can remember always loving it, always wanting a book in my hand at a very early age. They say it’s a girl thing, but I’ve met many people with books from the list below that they have cherished and mentioned have impacted their lives in a beneficial way.

I love old school books. WHAT BOOKS!?!

I know right, why read books, when we have audiobooks, phones, and nooks? I actually love everything about the whole hands on reading process. I love turning the pages, the feel of anticipation to get to the next page. The sound the pages make as you turn them, the smell of a fresh book, and the good old motivational bookmarks. One of my recent bosses actually told me once, that he read this study. This study is one I can’t recall verbatim, but I remember him saying that it had mentioned we are losing the chemical relationship our brains have with books due to cell phones. The brain retains more information as you physically turn pages, and touch the book. Now, it’s as if we are skimming books because reading them on the phone is just a swiping motion and we tend to hurry through the words vs retain them. Just something else to keep in mind as you are reading something you want to remember for a latter date.

Back to my reading habits- I have to write all over my books. I write notes in the margin, I highlight, I underline, I write keywords that remind me of other points from other books to tie things together for me, I even write the main points on the title page of each chapter so I can go back and briefly review. Call me a nerd, or I guess I would qualify as a book worm, but I like to believe that I am constantly growing, and seeking knowledge so I can remain mentally awake. I never want to stop learning.

Right now on my night stand I literally have 6 books, other than my bible, that I have been reading here and there through, for about 6 months. I have read already and we have chose to reread together, Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, a book to help remind us that we are speak different love languages therefore need to be conscious of it so we can properly give one another the love we each desire. Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman, obviously the same as before but for children, each child needs love in their own ways. The Power of a Positive Mom by Karol Ladd, is a christian motivational book that helps me to try to be better everyday and to remain as calm as possible when raising three kids and things go wrong to still see the positive in things and be that positive role model for them. 31 Prayers for my Future Husband by Jennifer and Aaron Smith, is a devotional for my hubster and he reads the 30 Prayers for my Future Wife, With just 17 days away from our wedding date it’s a great read to keep our minds, hearts, and intentions for one another in the right place, to focus on building that foundation set on God, and nothing else. Lastly, a book Joshua laughs at because he says why do I read it when I have the bible but Believe by Randy Frazee, a book that helps with living out a life in a story that resembles Jesus. All these books are spiritual at the moment, and none are for business or leadership, however it’s what I need to get better in at the moment. The list below however  are books that have impacted me in a way that has stuck throughout my life. So to all my fellow knowledge seekers, book worms, business men/ women, philosophers, all the way to students. I’ve compiled a list of books that I absolutely love that have helped me throughout my  journey, I hope they help you in your mental growth.

Remember sharpen your ax, strive to stay open-minded, it makes things easier. Seek knowledge and see where it takes you. Part of balance is sometimes taking a step back, reanalyzing a situation, belief, or notion, and getting a new perspective so you can come out a better person.

Top 5 List to remain Mentally Awake:

JohnCMaxwell
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C Maxwell
Outliers
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

 

LoveandRespect
Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Thesevenspirituallawsofsuccess
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra
Blink
Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

 

I hope you take time to read one of these books on this list. Even if it is an audible, do it, rethink your way, reanalyze the way you do things, see if they are working. If they’re not read up on it, get ideas, add on to your life to help make things better. You have one life to live, so live it well, make it easy, and make it fun.

~Start it, Commit it, Succeed!

ATEAM MOM

A TIME OUT

 

So life has become very busy for us this fall. Our son is four now and just started school for the first time since he was 1. We also have a 20-month-old and our newest edition to our family currently being three months old. I am currently a stay at home mom and a full-time business student who is cramming 18 credit hours in one semester so I can graduate this fall. On top of it all, I must have been high on caffeine when I decided to sign up the oldest for T-ball this year.

Fitness4All
Ayden celebrating how he “caught” the ball at his first game.

OH, did I mention that I’m also the coach for his team? So every Thursday night and Saturday morning for the past eight weeks, Dad has been on duty watching the girls while I patiently direct four year olds. I have to direct them on where to stand, what to do, and to get the ball. I even have to remind them to ignore the airplanes, the butterflies and the pretty little flowers growing in front of them. It’s a fun experience, yet it has to be said, it is a little trying. I didn’t think about my load being full to the brim already, when I volunteered for this obligation. From keeping up with his cleats, clothes, and gloves early in the morning on a Saturday, while rushing to get his sisters, dressed, fed, and all out the door by 8:30 after waking up just one hour before. It definitely has been a hectic chore to tack on with everything else.

So after six weeks of this new era in our lives, we are hit with colds, fevers, and ear infections. One child had a fever after vaccinations, then oldest woke up in middle of night with fever. A few days later, after both of us having minimal amount of sleep, our 20-month-old is screaming for three and half hours straight because she has an ear infection.

Then two days of peace, our smallest one has a fever again for no apparent reason, and of course, it is during the weekend. So we toughen it out over the weekend and call nurse’s line first thing in the morning. After waiting the average wait time on the phone for 20 minutes, I finally talk to someone all about her symptoms and get the advice, to take our 2-month-old to the ER. She didn’t have a fever anymore, but we are told to take our daughter to endure God knows how many tests to find out she is okay. So we went to DR. office instead to see if we needed to go or not. After taking all the children, packing them up, etc. Her checkup is fine. To parents: always trust your intuition first and foremost.

So we walk outside to go home and I look over on the way to elevator and decide to take kids outside on balcony for a minute. I’m so used to running, and I can’t even tell you how many times I have told my kids let’s go! We are in a hurry, or no I’m sorry there’s no time. Well since, I’ve started this blog, I’ve tried to remind myself to do what I am talking about. To actually do what I used to do before all the kids. That is to stop every once in a while and soak up all the beautiful things that are around us. Today I was tired, I was exhausted because it seems like for two weeks, we haven’t gotten a full night’s rest. I wanted to go home so I could start dinner, give baths, and go to bed. At that moment Dad and I looked at each other and we decided to practice what Dad does on a daily basis, meditation, with the kids.

Breathing with Kids: Fitness4AllBlog
Our Time Out

To sit down, close our eyes, and listen to all the sounds around us. Afterwards we looked around at how beautiful this site was. I was so proud of our littles, because they sat down, closed their eyes, and participated. The oldest told us what he heard as it happened, and if he didn’t hear what I heard he asked where it was. It made my heart happy to see them “turn off” all their wiggles, and open their listening ears to the wind blowing in the trees. We focused on the leaves tumbling along the sidewalk, cars driving occasionally by, and to finding things that aren’t right in front of us. This is a must do from now on:

Number 1: Stop and Relish in the moment.

Number 2: Turn off everything and allow mother earth in.

Now GO and ENJOY your time out.

~Start tomorrow, commit to it, and do it~

 

Fitness 4 All Blog

Overall Fitness For All 

I want to start out explaining why we start this blog and how we can help you strive to maintain overall balance so you can live a fit life.

As a family of five, we had to learn very fast how to force ourselves to slow down. With so many to-dos and life’s daily adventures it easy to get distracted and to just go along living life from one moment to the next. We all live in a fast paced, half digital/half reality world, flying in a whirlwind of memories that pass you by. We started to feel like life was getting too hectic and wanted to find ways to remain connected with each other.  Not only with one another, but with everything that truly matters to us. In the end, we all live our lives one day at a time. Some are up and some are down, and most days reside somewhere in between, but we trek through them the best way we can, constantly striving for balance. At times I feel like I fail more than succeed. It seems like with each added kid, or added extra curriculm it gets harder and harder for our family to stop and take a moment; a moment to appreciate life, a moment to take a deep breath to gather ourselves, or even a moment to focus on who we are. We did a lot of self-evaluating, planning, and deciding on who we wanted to be. Most importantly, what kind of family we wanted to be.

We are a God-fearing family, who needs and relies on God’s love. So we chose to spread it in any way we can. Even when life was hard I have always just told myself, show love in this situation, find a way, or at least I ask myself if there is a way I can show love here? Not every situation or moment in life is that simple, it’s a struggle, a hard one at that. We would know, we’ve been through our own tough struggles and continue to. It’s just life. So for us, to spread love, is to share.

This blog is us sharing the way we try to find our balance. We are far from perfect, and still have many things to learn about life. We just happened to find that balance when we consistently focus on four areas that we feel are crucial to our overall well-being. To us, well-being, health, and fitness is one in the same, we aren’t trying to change their definitions, we just strive to live and obtain it.  To obtain that level of overall fitness for all is when we can achieve equilibrium in our spiritualityphysicality, mental and emotional stability. We like to look at it as nature does, it’s constantly trying to achieve equilibrium. For example, our sun, as it burns at fusion temperatures, the energy created pushes outward making it want to expand. However, gravity is pushing inward with the force of the sun’s mass thus creating a harmonic state that makes up what we know as our solar systems star. This is the balance we are searching for. This beautiful, hard to comprehend, seems like impossible, or perhaps a miracle, balance.

Now there’s obviously other things in life that help us stay sane and enhance the balance in our lives like friends, hobbies, careers, finances, and our own individual interest. We just feel like the four areas that are the main focus can be used in all facets of our lives. Each category needs the other to be strong, and needs it to enhance it’s own. They all intertwine, and they all collide. For another example, whether you’re at home, working, or even resting, you need emotional balance and your health to be on point so you can be the best you can be for wherever your day takes you. When you have a hard day, you need your mental stability to lead you past the hardships, when you’re stressed, you need emotional and mental stability to help with your sanity for your sake and for your whole family’s health. These four categories are not just for one type of person, or for experience only, its healthy fitness tips for all; old, young, far and wide, semi-fit, overweight, Christians, Non-believers, Agnostic, stay-at-home mothers, stay-at-home fathers, workers, entrepenuers, step parents and grandparents. The list goes on and on.

We want to meet you in your life journey, wherever that may be, and present you with some of our own life experiences, struggles, techniques, goals, and perspectives, as well as tools that we have found helpful along the way; to hopefully help you and/or your family. We hope that in sharing our journey we can help people get through this hustle and bustle thing we all call life – only with a new perspective of what maintaining fitness means. It’s maintaining overall fitness in 4 areas to live a well balanced healthy fit life. Now how bout it, Can we all shout it?

All For Fit – Fit For ALL

 

 

All 4 Fit - Fit 4 All | Overall Fitness 4 All